And it’s funny, in a moment like that, when what’s really happening is too intense to deal with, sometimes it’s best to leave it unspoken, and just enjoy each other’s company instead.
The same feeling as #Senioritis
by Jess Graves
I have been working through some things since before Christmas. I issued a self-imposed dating moratorium because I felt like I needed to re-evaluate why the hell I was dating in the first place. This took me through a series of shifting phases…
Phase 1: feel weird and out of place with myself. Unsure why. Decide no more boys for awhile.
Phase 2: one month later, still feel weird and out of place despite the no boys declaration… ask myself why do I still feel weird and out of place? Realize it’s because I am still trying to control everything.
Phase 4: develop innocent crush on person I think is way too good for me.
Phase 5: ask myself why the hell I feel undeserving of this person. Of guys like this in general. Wonder why I feel so comfortable with jerks. Believe it or not this is a very hard confrontation to have with yourself. Crying involved.
Phase 6: pray more. Realize that I am completely deserving of that guy and he is exactly the kind of person I should have been dating all along. Begin to think that maybe this crush is more symbolic than it is realistic - a testament to the caliber of person I should want more than actually needing that person to be him.
Phase 7: ask why I have not been dating good guys all along. "Is it me? Is it the dating pool?" Beat myself up for wasting time with men I knew were wrong for me from the get-go.
Phase 8: sadness. Loneliness. Think about relapsing with ex.
Phase 9: Come to senses, dry up and resume conducting myself in respectable manner. Ask God to please shoulder this load for me because clearly I suck at dealing with it.
Phase 10: gratitude. Gratitude for God showing me what a worthy man looks like, even if it’s not that particular worthy man. Gratitude for all the wrong-for-me men I dated because of how incredibly much I learned about myself by doing it.
Phase 11: peace. Very deep peace.
Here’s to hoping that Phase 12 is patience.
All that being said, here is my point: women spend a lot of time feeling guilty. Career guilt (no man wants a woman this successful), relationship guilt (omg, how did I date that jerk for so long?), family guilt (my Dad rejected me so I secretly believe all men will) beauty guilt (I need to work out today or men will think my body is ugly and never want me) and the list goes on. I can’t speak for all women, but as far as I’m concerned being completely self-reliant was something I evolved into out of necessity. And I feel guilty for that, too. While it’s an attractive trait in a man, it can be really unbecoming when a woman doesn’t seem like she needs anyone. But I do. And so do all women. We are taught that we can be anything we want when we grow up - but the Catch-22 that we’re never told about is that often balls-out independence translates into loneliness. I think this is why we as a society are obsessed with Beyoncé - she is sexy and feminine while being powerful and successful. She is happily married, she is a mother. She’s harnessed the whole “womanhood” thing, and most of us are totally dazzled by it.
As our lady Bey proves, what on earth is the point of having a great life if you aren’t sharing it with anyone? I am such a people person - I want other people’s input and involvement in other aspects of my life, so why have I been conditioned to feel bad for admitting to needing someone else romantically? I’d way rather say “go team” at the end of the day than pat my own back, you know?
So here’s where the “Indulgences” thing comes in. The only way to find the Jay to your Bey is to get out there and meet people. And yes, that means bad dates and getting tangled up with men who aren’t good for you sometimes. It can get so *&$^^@## messy. But chalking that stuff up to experience is a powerful thing, because it brings you to the moment where you’re looking the right guy dead in the eye and you’re like “Hey, where ya been? Let’s do this thing together now.” We’ve all got a different idea of what’s “right” for us - a bad guy to me is another girl’s knight in shining armor. It’s all about what you bring out in each other. Me? I want to laugh. And I want to be challenged. I want someone who is masculine and kind-hearted and makes my life happier. Someone who above all is my best friend (also… he needs to like my dog.)
I feel a little embarrassed even writing that, a little tug of shame - and I want to not feel like I have to apologize for saying that stuff out loud, because I do! I want it! And just because I do doesn’t mean I am desperate or weird or obnoxious or whiny or anti-feminist or anti-feminine or anything of the sort. It just means I am a woman.
There is probably a man reading this to himself right now thinking "of course you’re single, you write shit like this you crazy loon!" But I can’t let that stuff silence me. I is who I is, ya know?
So go ahead, date someone wrong for you - learn something. Live. Have yourself an adventure. I did it, and I’m glad I did because it brought me squarely to where I’m at now: patiently awaiting someone who is right.
My 2 cents.
“It’s like the silence after a car wreck, the quiet after the settling grabble of a collapsed building. It’s all chaos and noise for a time, then comes the moment when it all must sink in and you must feel the weight of this new reality. That is heartache at its truest and most defining moment.”
Sometimes I just wanna escape and forget the pains.
James and I already talked about this theory months ago, and I swear, till now, I’m still not ready for it. My heart’s really gonna break. This scene is as heartbreaking too. </3
“But what some of us fail to recognize is that we cannot possibly be our best selves if we are always looking to fulfill what we consider priorities in our lives.”
So this is how I basically spent my Feb 14 this year. :) #FriendsForever #Chem16peeps #UPFair #Mr&MsPsych2014 #themorethemerrier
Afrojack feat. Spree Wilson
It’s offcially Saturday. Here’s a happy weekend song for all of us :)